Digging Deep. Makes me think of digging my heels deep every time my foot hits the track during sprints. Makes me think of making sure to hit 90 degrees or lower and pushing through my heels to keep precise form during leg press. Makes me think of squeezing out those last few reps when you think you can't get any more out. You can! For some reason, digging deep always makes me think of and refer to leg day =]
I digress ... digging deep. Although leg day and powering through workouts is on the top of the list when I think of these words, lately I've been digging deep to learn about me. I've been digging deep to teach myself how to maintain the figure lifestyle year round in a HEALTHY manner. How to keep myself from falling victim to all of the things that contribute to metabolic disorder. Just a few of the common things that put someone at risk for metabolic disorder are extremely low calorie "diets," excessive amounts of cardio, no variety of foods ... which in turn means a limited amount of vitamins, minerals, and necessary nutrients for your body to function at its optimal level. I've been working at teaching myself how to mentally endure the pressure I put on myself daily to maintain and achieve a higher level of excellence in all that I do. I've always been a perfectionist by nature. I'm learning that perfection is unattainable. I'm very lucky to have the exact support system in my life that I need, that in which my boyfriend is especially important. He's helping me to realize that excellence is attainable but perfection is not. This is helping me to not soften the way I approach life, but instead, change my approach and to accept that I will never be "PERFECT." And this is making the biggest difference that is allowing me to be positive even more than I already am. I am so thankful for his support. Another ramble...but please, don't ever forget to appreciate and thank those people in your life that help make you who you are and help you be a better person.
But, that word. PERFECT. What is perfect? What is the perfect body shape? What is the perfect body fat level? How big are the perfect muscles? How little are the perfect muscles? How much should you gain post competition? Should you maintain a low body fat level year round? How low?
The idea of perfection to everyone is different. Everyone has their own ideal that they either wish for or strive to achieve. Since beginning to train for figure, and since competing and qualifying for nationals, I have been slowly changing my goals from what I want to look like to what the sport says we should look like, or to the look some of the ladies who compete at the Pro level look like. It's one thing to change a bit here and there and to streamline your ideal with the industry's ideal to help you place better, if your ultimate goal is a pro card. It's a completely different thing to start idolizing a certain look you otherwise wouldn't have set your goals toward only and solely to gain a pro card. Not to make yourself happy. And that is the way I was headed. I have been working MAJORLY hard to gain muscle to put myself in somewhat of the same bracket as the girls vying for their pro cards, but in the process gained a bit of fat, which is to be expected. Funny enough, yes the small amount of fat gain bothered me, but I realized after months that the larger amount of muscle in my arms is not what I personally feel is flattering and what fits me well. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. And although my pro card is something I will work day in and day out and aim towards achieving, I have come to the realization that a pro card and a trophy is not worth my self-confidence and it isn't worth my health. I have since slowed my drive towards building muscle back a bit and have lost some of the fat that came along with the added calories. I hadn't gained a ton anyway, but I've lost some body fat and feel that although I'm not stage 8 pack ready, you can see some of my ab definition and muscle definition in general, and I feel more comfortable on a daily basis and in my clothes.
Yes, a pro card is my ultimate goal. But more importantly, the reason I absolutely love this lifestyle is that despite the extreme nature of the last weeks before a competition, the rest of the year is done because I LOVE WEIGHT LIFTING, I LOVE THAT STAIRMASTER, I LOVE TREATING MY BODY WELL, I LOVE ONLY FUELING MY BODY WITH HEALTHY, NUTRIENT DENSE FOOD, I LOVE THE DISCIPLINE THIS SPORT ALLOWS ME INDIVIDUALLY WITH MY MIND AND MY BODY, I LOVE BEING A ROLE MODEL, I LOVE HELPING OTHERS, AND I LOVE BEING ABLE TO BE COMPETITIVE WITH SOMETHING. Above all, this sport is about conjuring up the healthiest, fit, happiest, most confident you that you can be. And I've just recently realized again why I love this. And this has caused me to stop running blindly in the direction of what I thought would get me my pro card fastest, and started me plugging along in the direction that will hopefully get me there eventually, but until then, I will love my day to day life. I will be self-confident and happy with my body, mind, decisions, and feel like I'm doing this for me, and to be healthy for the ones I love, and not because of the elusive trophy and pro card. If that comes then I would be overjoyed.
When Monica Brant was still competing in the NPC/IFBB, I remember reading that after many shows of trying to please everyone but herself, Monica decided to mold her body to the way she likes it, the package she feels best with and feels presents her in the best light, and that's why she looked so positive at the last Arnold she competed in. Since, she's won the first WBFF show she competed in, and I think she's an AMAZING role model for this sport. Through the last couple months and my revelation, this popped into my head and although my competing background and all the competitions I will probably do in the future could probably never measure up to her experience, I understand what was talked about in that interview. I get it now, because I am going to do this for me and those I love, be happy with myself and my body, feel HEALTHY, and if that means building muscle slower, keeping my body fat lower, and possibly trying out bikini to see if my body fits better in that division, then so be it. I don't think my personality is exactly what one would call a bikini personality, but I feel that my body may fair better in that division. I feel there is a negativity surrounding the division though, not from the bikini girls, but from others looking at that class, which is unfortunate. I feel we should all support eachother and help eachother be better, not look down upon others because they're doing something a bit differently than you. I may try bikini and see if I can bring class and confidence, and being able to be happier with my body while still lifting hard, eating clean as can be, and presenting muscle with low body fat but just a smaller size than the figure division seems to be looking for.
I feel that this sport forces honesty. It forces you to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Not too easy on yourself, and remember ladies! NOT TOO HARD EITHER! I love that about this lifestyle. There are no excuses, but a lot of support, and this sport, as long as it's taken with a positive attitude, can do wonders for making you a better person. I am so glad I've worked hard to get where I've gotten along this path, and I'm so thankful I'm able to continue to work my booty off to keep reaching to be as excellent as I can, in all that I do in my life.
Keep working hard, and remember to be good to yourselves. Treat yourselves right. Work towards goals that make YOU and the ones you love happy. It's SO worth it!
